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Saving Justin
A Mother's Battle Against Addiction
This writing first appeared in the Mahopac News in June 2012. It was our rallying cry for Drug Crisis in Our Backyard.
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The night my son overdosed I was in a deep sleep. I knew that something terrible was about to happen and I escaped that evening because the pain had been relentless. “Don’t panic, we have to call 911” I sat up and my 22 year old son Andrew was calmly but urgently prodding my husband and I downstairs. I heard Andrew tell Steve, my husband, not to let mom come down but I found myself then and made my way downstairs to the bathroom where Justin was unconscious and Andrew was trying to keep him breathing. 911 was called, police arrived, oxygen was given and Justin was rushed off to Putnam Hospital. This happened in October 2011 and he did not die that month.
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It seems as though it was another lifetime when drugs were not a main focus in our household. It seems like a lifetime ago when my 4 boys were babies and OD’s were things that only happened in the ghettos of a city not in the suburbs of middle class neighborhoods. It seems like a lifetime ago that I held Justin, my first son, and couldn’t believe how my life would change now that I had this infant to take care of.
I was a Type A personality, supermom in an era when it was expected. A time when women created a no win scenario for themselves. And I like so many other career minded women took the bait and tried to juggle home life with a high powered career. The question I have at this late date is who won?
I was a Type A personality, supermom in an era when it was expected. A time when women created a no win scenario for themselves. And I like so many other career minded women took the bait and tried to juggle home life with a high powered career. The question I have at this late date is who won?
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My husband and I continued to build our family with 3 more baby boys and activities that never stopped. Things started to get shaky with Justin when he was 16 and in high school. It came to our attention that he was smoking pot. We confronted him and went to therapy with him. We thought it was a phase, experimentation and would end like it does with most teenagers. It didn’t. He went to college and graduated to stronger drugs. Undoubtedly, he was self-medicating but this too we didn’t find out until much later. He flunked out of college moved home and went on to get his Associates Degree. At 23, we found out from his girlfriend that he had started using prescription pain killers, specifically Percocet. I remember her email telling us that she was breaking up with him because he was making poor life choices and using “Perks.” I didn’t even know what she was talking about. I had to call her to get the definition.
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We went back to therapy and Justin assured us that he had stopped and of course we believed him because he was our son. At this time we also began going to NA and AA Meetings with Justin. I remember driving around in search of these meeting which are usually in the basement of some church. This searching for a meeting every night became a ritual and also commanded much of our time. However, he was religious in his attendance of these meetings and to us he seemed to getting better.
In 2008, things took a turn for the worst. He was arrested for possession of Oxycontin in March 2008. It is a powerful opiate that goes by another name: “hospital heroin”. It is made by Purdue Pharma and is specifically used to relieve pain in terminally ill patients. Purdue Pharma has seen their fair share of lawsuits due to the release of this medication. In 2007, Purdue Pharma was fined $6,340,000 for Oxycontin abuse. Doctors are writing prescriptions for Oxycontin for back pain and millions of prescriptions are being released. In a recent radio report on WCBS called “Bad Medicine” the opiate prescription drug business in NYC was called a drug epidemic. Things have gotten so bad that pharmacies are putting signs in their windows saying they do not carry Oxycontin because they are being robbed for the drugs.
After the arrest in 2008, Justin went into a local rehab for 30 days. He learned how to shoot heroin cold in that rehab and when he came out he was a heroin addict. Did you know that the statistics say that heroin and crack addicts have a 5% chance of recovery? This is a brain disease that distorts the thinking and causes craving for the pleasure the drug releases. He stayed clean for about 3-4 months. After returning from a vacation, we found out that he had stolen 3,000 from our bank account. When confronted he said it wasn’t him and we believed him as we always did. We went to the bank and sure enough the pictures at the ATM were our son stealing from us. This is when we found out Justin had started shooting heroin. Justin had been in the care of an excellent addiction psychiatrist in Westchester for 2 years and he recommended a new research study at Columbia Presbyterian Hospital. It was a study of a drug to treat heroin addiction. The drug was Naltrexone. We decided to give it a try. It was a six month program with me as the monitor and we would have therapy sessions downtown 3 times a week and with meetings at night. He was really doing well. He got 9 months of sobriety. Probably the most time he had since he started. We were very hopeful then. We thought surely this had to do the trick. Then he slipped again and we were back at it. He struggled on and off for the next two years. His doctor suggested a stay at New York Presbyterian Hospital. He was diagnosed bipolar and spent a short amount of time in a New York Presbyterian Hospital for treatment. We now knew why he was self-medicating all those years. We felt very positive that he would be able to maintain equilibrium with the treatment of the bipolar disorder. He had a great job and things were looking up. In October 2011, four months after that diagnosis, he overdosed.
From the October overdose, we learned that Justin had sustained a brain injury and he had a movement disorder and was likely permanently disabled. He lived home with us and we went to Burke Rehab Outpatient, a psychiatrist, an acupuncturist, alternative medical doctors, the list goes on and on. Many people were involved in helping Justin gain independence after the brain injury.
Seven months later on May 29, 2012, Justin, age 29, was found dead in a residential setting that he just moved into on May 16th.
Time after time my son tried to stay clean and I believe he really wanted it but he was carrying The Dark Passenger of addiction and after some clean time he would use again. He had everything he needed—A job, a sponsor, a program, a therapist, a supportive family and many clean friends but he couldn’t shake the addiction. We learned many things about alcoholism and drug addiction in the last ten years. We learned that our addicted children lie right to our face, but we don’t acknowledge it because they are our children. We learned that the pusher is not some scraggly old man in a dark alley but more likely your kid’s best friend or classmate who lives down the street. We also learned that the junkie that you thought only lived on the streets in NYC in a cardboard box was now living in your house. We learned the pain that goes with being addicted to pain killers, the withdrawal the addict suffers, the anxiety and guilt that our child suffered. We learned that nothing we could do would cure Justin. We learned that nothing we could do would control Justin and many knowledgeable people told us that we did not cause it.
What we would like to do is scream at the top of our lungs and rally together to save our children. We need to have a revolution but we cannot do this without everyone’s support. We need the support of the people that are still suffering. We need that support for the children that are still using and the children who have not used yet.
We want community action, community acknowledgement of a disease that is spreading like wildfire through Westchester, Putnam, Dutchess and all over this country. How can we do it? I am trying by writing this editorial and raising awareness. If you think it can’t happen here, you are wrong because it is happening here. If you think you know exactly what your kid is doing, you are wrong and if you think you know exactly what you would do, you are wrong. So let’s get together and talk about this as a community. Let’s share ideas and send the pharmaceuticals a message through our local and state officials. Let’s act!
With much sadness we say goodbye to Justin and recognize that it was a battle and not a choice. He is in our hearts always and we pray that we will meet again. We want to reach out to parents and families that are struggling with this insidious disease.
We are available to meet, to talk, or to offer advice. Please use the Contact Us section to reach out or call at 914-582-8384
In 2008, things took a turn for the worst. He was arrested for possession of Oxycontin in March 2008. It is a powerful opiate that goes by another name: “hospital heroin”. It is made by Purdue Pharma and is specifically used to relieve pain in terminally ill patients. Purdue Pharma has seen their fair share of lawsuits due to the release of this medication. In 2007, Purdue Pharma was fined $6,340,000 for Oxycontin abuse. Doctors are writing prescriptions for Oxycontin for back pain and millions of prescriptions are being released. In a recent radio report on WCBS called “Bad Medicine” the opiate prescription drug business in NYC was called a drug epidemic. Things have gotten so bad that pharmacies are putting signs in their windows saying they do not carry Oxycontin because they are being robbed for the drugs.
After the arrest in 2008, Justin went into a local rehab for 30 days. He learned how to shoot heroin cold in that rehab and when he came out he was a heroin addict. Did you know that the statistics say that heroin and crack addicts have a 5% chance of recovery? This is a brain disease that distorts the thinking and causes craving for the pleasure the drug releases. He stayed clean for about 3-4 months. After returning from a vacation, we found out that he had stolen 3,000 from our bank account. When confronted he said it wasn’t him and we believed him as we always did. We went to the bank and sure enough the pictures at the ATM were our son stealing from us. This is when we found out Justin had started shooting heroin. Justin had been in the care of an excellent addiction psychiatrist in Westchester for 2 years and he recommended a new research study at Columbia Presbyterian Hospital. It was a study of a drug to treat heroin addiction. The drug was Naltrexone. We decided to give it a try. It was a six month program with me as the monitor and we would have therapy sessions downtown 3 times a week and with meetings at night. He was really doing well. He got 9 months of sobriety. Probably the most time he had since he started. We were very hopeful then. We thought surely this had to do the trick. Then he slipped again and we were back at it. He struggled on and off for the next two years. His doctor suggested a stay at New York Presbyterian Hospital. He was diagnosed bipolar and spent a short amount of time in a New York Presbyterian Hospital for treatment. We now knew why he was self-medicating all those years. We felt very positive that he would be able to maintain equilibrium with the treatment of the bipolar disorder. He had a great job and things were looking up. In October 2011, four months after that diagnosis, he overdosed.
From the October overdose, we learned that Justin had sustained a brain injury and he had a movement disorder and was likely permanently disabled. He lived home with us and we went to Burke Rehab Outpatient, a psychiatrist, an acupuncturist, alternative medical doctors, the list goes on and on. Many people were involved in helping Justin gain independence after the brain injury.
Seven months later on May 29, 2012, Justin, age 29, was found dead in a residential setting that he just moved into on May 16th.
Time after time my son tried to stay clean and I believe he really wanted it but he was carrying The Dark Passenger of addiction and after some clean time he would use again. He had everything he needed—A job, a sponsor, a program, a therapist, a supportive family and many clean friends but he couldn’t shake the addiction. We learned many things about alcoholism and drug addiction in the last ten years. We learned that our addicted children lie right to our face, but we don’t acknowledge it because they are our children. We learned that the pusher is not some scraggly old man in a dark alley but more likely your kid’s best friend or classmate who lives down the street. We also learned that the junkie that you thought only lived on the streets in NYC in a cardboard box was now living in your house. We learned the pain that goes with being addicted to pain killers, the withdrawal the addict suffers, the anxiety and guilt that our child suffered. We learned that nothing we could do would cure Justin. We learned that nothing we could do would control Justin and many knowledgeable people told us that we did not cause it.
What we would like to do is scream at the top of our lungs and rally together to save our children. We need to have a revolution but we cannot do this without everyone’s support. We need the support of the people that are still suffering. We need that support for the children that are still using and the children who have not used yet.
We want community action, community acknowledgement of a disease that is spreading like wildfire through Westchester, Putnam, Dutchess and all over this country. How can we do it? I am trying by writing this editorial and raising awareness. If you think it can’t happen here, you are wrong because it is happening here. If you think you know exactly what your kid is doing, you are wrong and if you think you know exactly what you would do, you are wrong. So let’s get together and talk about this as a community. Let’s share ideas and send the pharmaceuticals a message through our local and state officials. Let’s act!
With much sadness we say goodbye to Justin and recognize that it was a battle and not a choice. He is in our hearts always and we pray that we will meet again. We want to reach out to parents and families that are struggling with this insidious disease.
We are available to meet, to talk, or to offer advice. Please use the Contact Us section to reach out or call at 914-582-8384